thesmilingkid's Journal

1.First Best Friend: Allison O'Harrigan

2.First Hamster: Didn't have one

3.First Piercing: ears in fifth grade

4.First highschool crush: absolute first? probably matt skowyra

5.First CD: Nsync

6.First Car: I've yet to own one myself

7.First Love: I guess Sean

8.First Stuffed Animal: buck buck

9.First Concert: the springfield symphony? does that count? if not dashboard and reel big fish

10.First Time Drunk: ask kevin dooley and my brother

NINE LASTS

1.Last Beverage: ice tea

2.Last Vehicle Ride: to the build in Cortland this morning

3.Last Movie Seen: harry potter

4.Last Phone Call: my parents called today

5.Last CD Played: an old Cathedral christmas concert

6.Last Bubble Bath: one awesome one over the summer

7.Last Time You Cried: shrug.

8.Last Kiss: today

9.Last Concert You Attended: hot hot heat

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS

1.Have you ever dated one of your best friends: trying to think... friend yes, best friend I don't believe so?

2.Have you ever been arrested: nope although I met public safety this year

3.Have you ever skinny dipped: nope

4.Have you ever been on TV: yeah

5.Have you ever kissed someone and regret it: only once

6.Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you knew: haha.

7.Have you ever been sent to the emergency room: I got glass in my foot.

8.Have you ever been in a fist fight: mildly

SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING

1. jeans

2. blue striped socks

3. grey tank top

4. grey longsleeve shirt

5. pretty underwear

6. pink bracelet

7. wrapped up in my fuzzy blanket

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY

1. woke up at 6:30

2. built two small walls

3. installed a set of stairs

4. lost feeling in my toes for a while

5. took a nap

6. ate really good pie

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER

1. napping

2. pie

3. friends

4. habitat

5. silly boyfriend

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO

1. oksana

2. jenlee

3. janine

4. rob

THREE CHOICES

1. eat or drink: drink

2. blonde or brunnette: brunette

3. pink or black: depends on the occasion

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. help build my own house

2. see the world. the whole world. i'm talking everything.

ONE THING YOU REGRET

1. ummmmmmm? I really don't know?

Current Mood: holycowit'sdecember.
Current Music: taylor live at tanglewood july 4th. wicked good concert

You know you went to a catholic high school when...

1. One word: Retreat.
2. At one time, you liked your uniform.
3. You got a kick outta being able to wear you PJs to school on "dress down days".
4. You had a way of making yourself look so innocent when everyone knows that you really aren't. (hahaha.)
5. It cost you 100 bucks to park in the school parking lot.
6. Everyone hugs each other to greet people.
7. At dances, you formed an all-girls circle where no guys could take over.
8. You're blonde, once were, wish you were, or just act like it. (18th birthday.)
9. You violated as many dress codes as possible and when you get caught, you pretended that you 'didnt know'.
10. You have countless obsessions with guys you have never even met or never talked to.
11. You have NO problem joking around about being a lesbian.
12. You spent many a religion class listening to your teacher preach about the Church's take on premarital sex, abortion, and the death penalty. (ugh.)
13. You SERIOUSLY don't know how to shut up and gossip is your middle name.
14. "Remember whens" are your specialty.
15. At least one of your friends names are Sarah, Katie, Megan, or Lauren. (1? try 5)
16. Guys ask you if you still have your uniform and if you would wear it for them
17. Your skirts stopped fitting, but were too cheap/lazy to buy new ones, so you just pinned them.
18. Shaving your legs was optional, or you just shaved your knees. Actually, putting any effort into your appearance was optional.
19. Everyone knows about everything about everyone, even if you've never talked to them.
20. You like to talk shit but don’t back it up or do anything about it.
21. You call the girls at your school a slut for no reason.
22. F pony tails...your school has a signature "messy bun".
23. The girls you went to school with are your sisters forever

Current Mood: i'm coming to MA on saturday?
Current Music: deena carter - we danced anyway

Holding back or holding on
Conferencing with my writing professor today about our project - sort of a reflection on a bunch of different aspects/memories of ours. All about us. She's reading one of my pages, and she says "Ainsley, this is all written really well. It's good here, it's good here, and then it just stops. You always stop when it gets to the tough spots. You're holding back. You're just reserved like that. Even your curly hair. You always pull it back."

I almost cried. Because it's true. And I don't like that too much at all.

Current Mood: reserved, apparently.
Current Music: 'Tell Him' the duet... and 'Brick' by Ben Folds.

Pearls and a toolbelt.
:-)

Pearls.
Because what goes better with a toolbelt than a set of pearls?
I own pearls. Wow.

Gosh. I just want this to work this time. Let's do this right.
Right now, it's a whole new kind of happy, like it's all different from every other time. Better already. Crazy, isn't it.

Current Mood: I smile a lot.
Current Music: 'have a little faith in me'

Ithaca NY weather focast for OCTOBER 24
Overnight:
Rain at lower elevations with mixed rain and snow above 1500 feet. About an inch snow accumulation. Lows in the upper 30s. Northeast winds around 10 mph.

Tuesday:
Rain in the valleys...with heavy wet snow above 1500 feet. Significant snow accumulation possible. Highs 35 to 40. North winds 10 to 20 mph.

Tuesday Night:
Occasional rain or snow. Storm total snow accumulations of 7 inches or more possible above 1500 feet. Lows 30 to 35. North winds 10 to 20 mph.

Holy cow.

Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: stuff.

So much to say, there just aren't words.

Fall break - Rhode Island to see Cameron. Melissa and I had an interesting time getting down there ... totally because the road signs weren't clear. At one point we were in Mohegan Sun's parking lot, sligtly lost in there. We got home though, no major problems. So good to see him. And just to be able to sit around and not do work for a few days. Yay for cute frat boys (why didn't I go to a school with a good greek system?). Some good sibling bonding time.
At one point we walked down to Scarborough which is right down the street from him. I'm jealous. The weather was stormy but not raining at that point, so the sea and the sky were the same slate grey color and the sand even looked dark. The waves were angry looking and it matched my mood perfectly. I just wanted to yell at the ocean. It can destroy so many things, but not all this. Not me. Little bit of silent crying. Just being frusterated with life. Went back to the house and curled up under some blankets. It rained a lot. Next day we went down to the sea wall, checked out the surfers (major grr for his winter suit not fitting me, the waves looked awesome). Went into Providence to meet up with my aunt uncle and little cousin, dad couldn't make it down because the roads were all flooded out. I lost my necklace at some point too. Boo. Went out that night with some of his friends, he got me drunk so I'd talk to him. It worked. I love my big brother.
As Melissa and I were leaving on Sunday morning, the weather was sunny and cold and windy. We drove past the ocean one last time and James Taylor's "Fire and Rain" came on. Felt like a scene in a movie. Neither of us wanted to leave. The further North we went, the sky just kept getting darker which wasn't exactly what we wanted.
Got lost in Springfield. I realize how rediculous that sounds, but we missed our exit so we got off at the next one and I didn't know how to get to the pike from downtown. Shrug. Now I do.
And now I'm back here. I'm not sure if I want to be. I'm sleeping in Oksana's room all week since her roommate had to go home. I really don't like having a single so I'm excited to be moving out next semester.

Lots of work to do this week, I should get on that.

I feel like something's broken inside of me but I don't know how to fix it right now.

Current Mood: chilly.
Current Music: the phantom of the opera soundtrack reminds me of CHS.

I had almost forgotten how much I love it here. And then this week reminded me.
Nothing short of amazing, I've got the best friends possible. I don't know what I'd do with out them here.

The Stephen Kellogg concert was just as good as the last one, with the new addition of "Time of my life" from Dirty Dancing, lift included. We all sang along, dancing in front of the stage.
Apple fest just rocked my socks off. The weather may suck already, but it was so cool to be walking around and saying hi to everyone, because everyone I know was there. And all the town people, just dancing to the music, off in their own world. Hot cider and good friends - all I need to get by.
The trees look like they've been spraypainted orange and yellow overnight. Just certain parts are changing, and it's so beautiful.
Fall break is Wednesday night, and when we come back, everything will look so different already. I'm so excited to see Cameron! Hoorah.

My first essay for Personal Essay is due on Monday. I met with my professor to go over it on Friday, and she was so impressed with it and it made me happy. I really enjoyed writing it too. It's crazy that at first I didn't want her section, I wanted another class with my friends in it, but this has turned out to probably be my favorite class. We sit outside talking about each other's papers, and read things by Joan Didion and all these amazing writers who know just how to say what you feel. While I was meeting her, we sat out infront of the building, just talking like friends.
I'll put the essay up when it's totally done.

OAR is tonight, and now it's dinner time!

Get excited about life!

Current Mood: amazing.
Current Music: Oasis - Wonderwall.

Go ahead, rock my socks.
This week is being extra awesome to overcompensate for last week's suckiness. 3 awesome concerts - OAR, Third Eye Blind w/Matt Nathanson, aaaaaaaand Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers. Plus applefest, a monday night movie night which was absolutly crazy, I've got a roommate for next semester, and I'm going to be seeing Cameron next week for the first time in almost 2 months. Aaaaand I'm being set up with a habitat construction worker's son. Hehe. Sweet deal. We'll see how that goes. :-)

Story of the day: I'm at work this morning, and public safety calls and says 'we recieved the call about the student tied to the tree, but we need a more specific location so we can get to him.' me = whattttttt? everyone runs to the window and sure enough there is a guy, hands streched between 2 trees, tied to them with rope, not wearing a shirt, and duct tape covering his face. Public safety came, untied him, took the tape off (owww!) and it was all over. So random but ok.

The 5k (or slightly short of one) was Sunday, lots of fun, kudos to Melissa for pushing me. Huge fundraiser, hoorah Habitat. If you're not already in it, you're going to want to be. We're doing HUGE things this year so come check us out!

Back to the books.
Your goal for the week: rock someone's socks good and hard.

Have a sweet night!

Current Mood: wicked awesome.
Current Music: Stephen Kellogg stuff.

So... so long.
So long sweet summer
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
So long sweet slumber
I fell into you, now you're gracefully falling away

*Hey thanks, thanks for that summer*
it's cold where you're going
I hope that your hearts always warm

I gave you the best, i gave you the best that I had
passed down the letters and passed down the best that I had

So long sweet summer
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
So long sweet slumber
I fell into you, now you're gracefully falling away

I hate the winter in lexington
I hate the winter in lexington
lexington, lexington, lexington

There were some good times this summer. Big summer of growing up I guess. But that's all over now. Fall is here, the weather changes, it changes us all. Summer seemed so carefree and crazy, and now it's just different I guess. Nothing wrong with that. Changes are good.

Current Mood: looking outside - beautiful.
Current Music: dashboard. so long sweet summer.

Currently playing:
Up on the roof - James Taylor and Carol King ... I was roofing on Saturday and it sort of made sense. Its beautiful to see the world from another perspective.

Stephen Kellogg "As good as it has been, I wouldn't change a thing. I'd also never go back again, as good as it has been."

Adam Day "It's hard with out you here, I'll be better at missing you next year."

Desparado

Coldplay - The Scientist

Wicked - I'm not that girl

and last but not least, Ironic - Alanis Morissette.

Life is so ironic. Seriously. Details don't matter right now, but it's hard to imagine being so completly off. I was all in, and the other person was the exact opposite, and it just came out at the same time I guess. We never did get out to the starry sky one last time or watch the sunrise, but the sun will still rise none the less. I really think that this is good. Ok, not good yet, but I'm gonna be fine. I've got some amazing friends, mu brother included. Life is otherwise good. I can roof. I can run. I can wake up tomorrow and believe that my life is amazing. Someone once told me that I always seem like I'm excited about life. I guess I am. I've got a lot to be excited about.

So sweet dreams.

"Everything’s tougher than it has to be, another cliché from the wise
Somewhere east of that solo and a little bit west of the bridge
Was the singular kind of moment that you remember as long as you live"

Yeah. It's ok to remember right? I don't think this is something that I want to forget.

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: mix of everything above.

The year in numbers so far...
Day at school: 25
Times swimming in the fountain(not my idea): 1
Body shots: 1
Naps on Pebble Beach: 3
Games of Twister won: I believe it was 2
Habitat builds I've done: 2
Crazy nights at the suite: quite a few already.
Weeks spent learning stick shift: 2
Miles driven in the car without the owner, going to builds: 50 each way.
Times I've tried to do homework outside and fallen asleep: at least 5
Days I've run: not enough ...
Days until the 5k: 19

That's all for now.

Current Mood: smiley

Last night, I slept in the middle of the bed.
That's all.
This is going to be tougher than I thought.

Have a nice and sunny day.

Me.

Current Music: "And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free"...wicked.

I guess I just need to write this down.
There's so much that I wanted to say and I don't think I did. Maybe it will come out at some point. I'm not going to be one of those girls that just falls apart. I know I'm going to be fine. It's just the hardest thing to have to choose between what you've gotten used to and so comfortable and good and happy, and what you know deep down is the right thing to do. It's killing me inside. I've gotten pretty good at doing the 'hey I'm fine' game just because I don't want to deal with some of my friends going 'oooooooh you poor thing are you alright? ect. ect. I can't handle that right now. I don't have time to fall apart. But at the same time, I am. Even sleeping is so wierd now. There's space. I realized it this morning that I don't spread out across the bed, I just stay in the spot that I'm used to being in, because I've gotten used to someone else being there. I don't like it. The guys from the suite are all being great, I'm still invited over there whenever. I'm scared that I'll see him with someone else one night though, I don't think I could handle that. Not yet. I guess I can't avoid this forever. We've got too many friends together, campus is too small. We'll do the friends thing soon enough I'm sure. I haven't told a lot of people, including my parents. Ugh. That's not gonna happen for a while. News travels fast around here. They'll know soon enough. I'm going to be just fine. Really. I don't need your sympathy or pity. I just need to get my thoughts out sometimes. Even if they don't make sense to you. Like this. We never did watch the sunrise. I wanted to. Never got around to it. So many memories that I don't want to forget because they were so good. I'm glad it didn't end on a fight or anything bad. But it's over. It's been wonderful. I wouldn't change it for the world.
That's enough of that. It's a beautiful day.

...And all that jazz.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: For Good - wicked and Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks.

Giving my 2 week's notice.
So I've been at school for two weeks. Nothing short of amazing. I haven't been let down yet. The terraces are like our own neighborhood, and I've spent so much time on our lawn trying to do homework and just falling asleep listening to the sounds of college. Habitat is going to be awesome this year, but it's pretty much going to run my life since I've got like 4 build sites to manage myself. Crazy Ainsley, takes on too much. We'll see what happens. The 5k Habi-dash is October 2nd by the way ... hint hint, send me money for running. Speaking of running, the trail behind my building is amazing. So quiet, I've seen a ton of deer, and now it's like fall inside the woods, all orange-y golden and no where else on campus. So special. Let's see... a general recap of what I've been doing:
1st weekend. Party in the suite. Fountains. Swimming against my will. Enough said.
Camping with my floor near the waterfall. Pretty. Crazy uphill walk coming home.
Classes. yay.
This past weekend. Jock jams party in the suite. then to the circles. Gooooodness gracious, I can't even write what happened in here. Ask me if you don't remember. Cuz I do.
Thai food/girls night out. Hoorah for the Rowland reunion.
Yesterday was a nice day off, lots of time outside. Dinner with the floor.
My appetite has been crazy lately though. Oh well.
Ummmm ... yeah I still love it here. Enough said. I've got a life to get on with. Leave some loving

Me.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: adam day.( that was a really good concert.)

Oh, this is good.
Oh yes. Life is good. School = Saturday morning! Getting out of Springfield! Woooooh. I've already been busy planning Habitat work dates so that's wicked exciting! Coming soon: all women builds in Binghamton. Sign up now ladies!
What else ...
This weekend: Lake house with Cameron and Michelle. And her family. And her brother and his friends. :-) oh yeah. haha. Waterskiing. Tubing. Grandma T's cake. OOOooh yeah.

I'll take this moment to issue a public service announcement to my fellow females who participate in water sports. Bikini = not a good idea. Veryyyyy bad. Take tubing, for instance, when you fall off the tube and hit the water very fast, articles of clothing may become loosened. Or fall off. Rapidly. And falling while waterskiing. Wedgie of the century. Not going into details but ask if you're really curious?

This week ... packing is almost done, a little more laundry left and that's it. The problem of getting everything into one car = solved! Kudos to my 3 friends who just happen to be driving upstate this weekend and are going to haul some of my stuff. Their payment will be in the form of ice cream. Next problem, fitting it into my room. Single rooms are well, tiny. I really dont have that much stuff compared to most people though I guess. No tv, under 10 pairs of shoes (and one of those are construction boots), I think I'll fit somehow.

Today has just been one of those good days. Farmers market - wicked good fruit, fresh chocolate milk. sweeeeeeet. Woke up late (8:30!) packed a ton, beautiful weather, and I got a new tape measure. Haha. little things make me happy. I tried on my jeans while I was packing. The ones that were tight last spring. THEY FIT! yay!!! Total number of pounds lost: 7. Muscle gained: a ton. So it makes up the difference. I'm excited.

Um yeah. That's all. I'm gonna go smile at something.

Current Mood: Smiley.
Current Music: Louie Armstrong - What a wonderful world.

Life.goes.on.
And here we are again.
What's new you might ask? Do you care? Here goes:
Work - 2 more days left. wooh.
School - leaving the 19th. again, a large wooh.
Currently reading Ballet for Dummies in hopes of gaining some useful knowledge for the clinic this year.

Last weekend - Pennsylvania. Wicked good times. Random things I want to remember that no one else will understand. Ask if you're curious, I
guess.
Karl's boxers, burned to a crisp. Goobler. Luau complete with dollar tree decor and the limbo. The Iceman. Chicken fight champs. No, Milwaukee is not a state. Pool - I set up the shots.

Mmmmm. good times. I miss it.

I really like that new Train song. A lot.

Current Mood: weird
Current Music: la bomba.

i still like this song.
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved...

(Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye)

Current Mood: calm

welcome to my life.
So here's what's been going on ...

beach with cameron last weekend. quite awesome. surfing. even more awesome. felt so good to be on a board again. perfect weather.big brother. yeah. good times.

this week. working a lot. making money to replace my lack of financial aid. last day - august 12. thank god. i have calluses on my hands from ladling and cutting all day.

bran today. never seem to see him enough. probably not gonna again until christmas. not cool at all. hoorah for swing sets though.

so i started thinking about my birthday. i'm not all that excited actually. alyssa - washington. andy - california. bran - just getting back from arizona. everyone from school - packing. i'm not even going to spend it at the beach with cameron because we're leaving the next day. so it's gonna go like this. dinner. cake. cards from grandmas. 'ainsley did you finish that laundry yet?' 'get loading the car kiddo.'
lovely. at least it means that i'll be back at school soon.
just been in a wierd mood lately i guess, that whole feeling of not fitting in here anymore. maybe it's partially my falt for the lack of effort, but yeah. it's time to get back to home.

Current Mood: blah.
Current Music: feels like home - from how to lose a guy in 10 days.

Remind me to tell you about my wicked awesome trip to rhode island with Cameron.
I'm tired. And the dish guys don't wash dishes anymore at work so it's not too cool.
Bran on Friday! Woooh.
P.S. If you're around Wednesday night/Thursday I want to see people. I've just realized that I have less than a month left here and I feel like I haven't seen much of anyone. Hmm. More on that later.

Current Mood: sunburne-y boobs. but happy.
Current Music: butterfly - mariah carey stuck in my head.

Thoughts from a teenage lunch lady.
Things I've learned this summer from working in the kitchen.
People keep telling me that it's good that I'm in there, because I'll learn how to cook. Riiiiight. Might as well tell me I'm going to learn surgery too since it's right down the hall.
So, here are the never-going-to-be-useful things I now know how to do, thanks to Baystate:
*hamburgers.
*cold cut grinders. 3 types of meat in one roll. enough said.
*turkey sandwiches.
*beef steaks.
*chicken fingers.
(the list of meats go on)
*how to puree anything. literally anything - from soup to pizza, mashed potatoes, veggies. aka. put it in food processor until it is a colored mush. colored liquid if it's for a feeding tube. I so hope that I never need to ingest one of those things. they freak me out.
*tater tots. if I ever have my own fry-a-lator, this would be useful. but considering the fact that I don't, it doesn't do much good.

things I can actually use:
*how to cut a tomato. side note - tomato = acidic. avoid squirting into eyes when possible.
*how to slice watermelon.
*just in case I had no idea how to make salad, I now have it drilled into me.
aaaaand that's it so far

You would be suprised how many foods can be served with a ladle.

Another side note. Oatmeal is a suprisingly dense food. Meaning that when you drop a tray of 15 bowls of it, it will make a very loud noise. Just so you know.

Be nice to your lunch ladies. Under that hairnet, we're all just regular people too.

Current Mood: I smell like hospital food.
Current Music: country stuff.

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